笑破肚皮的语文答卷
本文由倍可亲网友[ fkfnew ] 于 2008-6-19 13:20 上贴
原文网址： http://club.backchina.com/main/viewthread.php?tid=681337
高考完了，中考将来...考题千奇百怪，答卷也五花八门。真佩服现在的学生啊，思维跳脱，天马行空，和我们那时候的循规蹈矩，差别太大了，呵呵。看一组语文试卷中的填空题---
1.__________，为伊消得人憔悴
同学答：宽衣解带终不悔
（正解为“衣带渐宽终不悔”，偶承认这个是思想有问题）
2.问渠哪得清如许，__________
同学答：心中自有清泉在
（正解为“唯有源头活水来”，咱还是和水粘了点边~~~）
3.何当共剪西窗烛，__________
同学答：夫妻对坐到天明
（语文老师阅卷时笑晕。后在课堂时说此事，又晕！正解为“却话巴山夜雨时”）
4.蚍蜉撼大树，__________
同学答：一动也不动
（正解为“可笑不自量”。一动也不动，赫赫，很符合事实阿）
5.君子成人之美，__________
同学答：小人夺人所爱
（直接晕死）
6.穷则独善其身，__________
同学答：富则妻妾成群
（正解：达则兼济天下）
7.__________，天下谁人不识君
同学答：只要貌似萨达姆
（汗....）
8.后宫佳丽三千人，__________
同学答：铁棒也会磨成针~~~~~~
（正解为“三千宠爱在一身”）
9.身有彩凤双飞翼，__________
同学答：拔毛凤凰不如鸡
还有个同学答：夫妻双双把家还
（正解为“心有灵犀一点通”）
10.东边日出西边雨，__________
同学答：床头打架床尾合
还有个同学答：上错花轿嫁对郎
11.__________，糟糠之妻不下堂
同学答：结发之夫不上床
（语文老师暴怒！）
12.但愿人长久，__________
同学答：一颗永流传
（当时狂笑，现在觉得挺经典的。正解为“千里共婵娟”）
13.西塞山前白鹭飞，__________
同学答：东村河边爬乌龟
（对的挺工整的）
14.我劝天公重抖擞，__________
同学答：天公对我吼三吼
（正解为“不拘一格降人才”，龚自珍）
15.天生我才必有用，__________
同学答：关键时刻显神通
又有同学答：老鼠儿子会打洞
（整办公室的语文老师集体毫无形象的狂笑）
16.天若有情天亦老，__________
同学答：人不风流枉少年！
（正解为“月若无恨月长圆” 李贺《金铜仙人辞汉歌》 )
17.洛阳亲友如相问，__________
同学答：请你不要告诉他
（正解为“一片冰心在玉壶”）
18.期末考试出对联, 上联是英雄宝刀未老
该初三同学对下联为：老娘丰韵尤存
19.良药苦口利于病，__________
同学答：不吃才是大傻瓜
人生自古谁无死，__________
同学答：只是死的有先后
（结局：家长会后被老师留下来训话鸟……）
20.床前明月光，__________
同学答：李白睡的香
21.管中窥豹，__________
同学答：吓我一跳
（哈哈哈！正解为“可见一斑”)
22.__________，飞入寻常百姓家
同学答：康佳彩霸电视机
23.葡萄美酒夜光杯，__________
同学答：金钱美人一大堆
24.__________，路上行人欲断魂
初一学生的杰作：半夜三更鬼敲门
25.还有次考陶渊明的“吾不能为五斗米折腰”，同学填的是“给我六斗就可以”…
26.老吾老以及人之老，__________
同学答：妻吾妻以及人之妻
（老师后来评卷时说那个同学特别具有奉献精神，哈哈）
27.想当年，金戈铁马，__________
同学答：看今朝，死缠烂打
（正解为“气吞万里如虎”）
28.五年级的一次考试就考到了“三个臭皮匠，__________”
同学答：臭味都一样
（把监考和外面的校长笑翻了）
29.初一的学生对对子，“登城白云间揽山色入怀，__________”
同学答：我到酒店去抱小姐上床
（他的语文老师差点当场吐血而亡）
30.两情若是长久时，__________
同学答：该是两人成婚时
31.沉舟侧畔千帆过，__________
同学答：孔雀开屏花样多
32.书到用时方恨少，__________
同学答：钱到月底不够花
33.天若有情天亦老，__________
同学答：人若有情死得早
（正解为“月若无恨月长圆”）
34.人生自古谁无死，__________
同学答：有谁大便不带纸
（没有语言了...）
35.有次考李清照的如梦令，“知否？知否？___________”
同学答：SORRY，SORRY ，I DON'T KNOW...
（正解为“应是绿肥红瘦”）
36.有次考鲁迅先生某句：“___________，我以我血溅轩辕”
同学答：他以他刀插我身
37.语文考试，填空里有一首革命诗：“为人进出的门紧锁着，________________，一个声音高喊着：_________________我渴望自由，但人的身躯怎能从狗洞子里爬出…”
同学答：为狗爬出的洞也锁着 / 他妈的，都锁着！
38.千山万水总是情，___________
同学答：多给一分行不行
（批卷老师对了一句：情是情，分是分，多给一分都不行）
39.高一的时候，一次月考，上句“仰天大笑出门去，（正解）我辈岂是蓬蒿人”。班上有人写：一不小心扭到腰。还有一句，上句：“清水出芙蓉，（正解）天然去雕饰”。有人写，淤泥出莲藕；还有人更绝，写：乱世出英雄
40. 问君能有几多愁，___________
同学答：恰似一壶二锅头
（老师批“你喝多了……”）
2008年9月15日星期一
Thought...
Has been extremely busy lately, and this never happened before (of course not the busy part never happened before). The busy part with a different missions... Perhaps I can say that as missions, or may be not. I used to think that teching may be just a surviving tool for me, and somehow it's not when I was reallyv teaching, and this happened so often that I don't know how to describe it myself. Not until recently, I finally realize that teaching kids especially the tweens and teens is especially rewarding and important.
Seeing them regain their confidents and the willingness to learn, I know, they will be ok in the future. I just wish that all of them will be a better human being and a role models for others, who can really inspire others and help others in need.
Being a teacher or may be others say as an educator, it's not that easy especially you must pull out your heart to these students at the same time you must also be their role models. I just wish that all the teachers are really doing their jobs that they MUST understand that they are nurturing the young minds who are eager to learn and be better persons.
Seeing them regain their confidents and the willingness to learn, I know, they will be ok in the future. I just wish that all of them will be a better human being and a role models for others, who can really inspire others and help others in need.
Being a teacher or may be others say as an educator, it's not that easy especially you must pull out your heart to these students at the same time you must also be their role models. I just wish that all the teachers are really doing their jobs that they MUST understand that they are nurturing the young minds who are eager to learn and be better persons.
2008年9月9日星期二
Summer!!!
Summer!!! A word that perhaps for most of the people is vacation, but as far as I know for at least the past 9 years, has been fun yet not vacation. I have never been to any places during the summer especially for at least 9 weeks during the supposing fun outdoor season for most of us.
Well, at least those years I have done something that I thought was not meaningful to me at first, turned out to be NOT BAD at all!!! Seeing the changes of the kids, especially when they become better and better... It's really hard to express how it feels like.
It's weired to see that someone you taught used to be so small, and now they are in their young adulthoods. It's hard to believe (am I getting old? - oh well, I am always the same...haha...)
Move Forward, Look Forward, and Think Forward!
Well, at least those years I have done something that I thought was not meaningful to me at first, turned out to be NOT BAD at all!!! Seeing the changes of the kids, especially when they become better and better... It's really hard to express how it feels like.
It's weired to see that someone you taught used to be so small, and now they are in their young adulthoods. It's hard to believe (am I getting old? - oh well, I am always the same...haha...)
Move Forward, Look Forward, and Think Forward!
2008年7月7日星期一
A great Sunday!
It has been a great Sunday, and I am glad that today it's a day with a lot of fulfillment! I went to 8:30am service for the one last time before the summer school starts, then went to teach or help out for a Sunday School at another churce after the service. It was glad to see the kids again, haven't seen them for months, and they are still very adorable :). The best part was to know the kids' parents and made some new friends.
Later in the afternoon, I went to the HOLY service, it was my first time there after so many months of busy schedule. I love the service with all these talented teenagers, right before the CCHC Youth Crew meeting.
It's amazing that how God has done His work on these kids. They have changed so much! After the meeting, then I continued with my journey for another Seminar - Sharing with parents and students on Time Management. It has been a great day indeed. Meeting people, and helping them to achieve something that maybe important to them.
Even though it was a 14 hours non-stop marathon, it just felt great!
Later in the afternoon, I went to the HOLY service, it was my first time there after so many months of busy schedule. I love the service with all these talented teenagers, right before the CCHC Youth Crew meeting.
It's amazing that how God has done His work on these kids. They have changed so much! After the meeting, then I continued with my journey for another Seminar - Sharing with parents and students on Time Management. It has been a great day indeed. Meeting people, and helping them to achieve something that maybe important to them.
Even though it was a 14 hours non-stop marathon, it just felt great!
2008年6月28日星期六
What are we looking for?
Are we looking for good life? What is good life? Money? Good career? Good Husband or Wife? Good bf or gf? fame? food? leisure? friends? or whatever they are...
Most of hem used to be mine too! They may be still important, but not that important any more. When I was a kid, I used to have a big dream... if you have seen the movie "Evan Almighty", then you will know what my dream was... should be still is. I never pray for it like Evan in the movie.
My dream has disminished past few years after being in the SOCIETY for a while. It comes back last year, and now I am living for it. Of course, it is not solely the strength of myself, as a human being, I must live it with Faith!
Don't ask me where the Faith come from, ask and seek it yourself, you will find the answer.
We all should have a direction for us to hold onto, a direction that is bg enough for our passion to life to go on. I have seen so many kids are in depression nowadays, and that make me sad. Who's fault is this? Society? May be or may be not? Family? Partially!
A lot of us have too many exceuses. As long as something goes wrong, we will fnd a way to protect ourselves well being. When we can focus to study, then we frame ourselves that we have ADD. When we feel sad or lonely, we say we have depression! Well, just go out to get some good friends, some friends who can talk about things, who can share dreams, who can encourage one another!!!
Sometimes, I'm just very frustrated to hear that kids in the States they have too much pressure, and too many problems. Kids in US should get out of the States to see what is it out there, not the affluent countries, the poor or the in need...
Most of hem used to be mine too! They may be still important, but not that important any more. When I was a kid, I used to have a big dream... if you have seen the movie "Evan Almighty", then you will know what my dream was... should be still is. I never pray for it like Evan in the movie.
My dream has disminished past few years after being in the SOCIETY for a while. It comes back last year, and now I am living for it. Of course, it is not solely the strength of myself, as a human being, I must live it with Faith!
Don't ask me where the Faith come from, ask and seek it yourself, you will find the answer.
We all should have a direction for us to hold onto, a direction that is bg enough for our passion to life to go on. I have seen so many kids are in depression nowadays, and that make me sad. Who's fault is this? Society? May be or may be not? Family? Partially!
A lot of us have too many exceuses. As long as something goes wrong, we will fnd a way to protect ourselves well being. When we can focus to study, then we frame ourselves that we have ADD. When we feel sad or lonely, we say we have depression! Well, just go out to get some good friends, some friends who can talk about things, who can share dreams, who can encourage one another!!!
Sometimes, I'm just very frustrated to hear that kids in the States they have too much pressure, and too many problems. Kids in US should get out of the States to see what is it out there, not the affluent countries, the poor or the in need...
2008年6月22日星期日
Walkathon
It was great! Even though it's not Excellent yet! Seeing the teenagers doing something even though they are still somehow fooling around a little, nbut they did something or the unfortunates. I am actually really proud of them. I see more lights in them.
Nothing is more important than giving up your own time for others to show them how much you care. It doesn't matter if others understand or not, we just keep doing it, and one day we may touch someone's heart.
Keep it up kids!
Nothing is more important than giving up your own time for others to show them how much you care. It doesn't matter if others understand or not, we just keep doing it, and one day we may touch someone's heart.
Keep it up kids!
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